BLENDEDBUNCH.COM

Fistful of Love

Blended Bunch — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 06:15:00 GMT

Is there anything finer in the entire world than looking into the eyes of your beautiful child as they hand you the most amazing, handpicked bouquet? Those pint-sized hands, clutching at the divine arrangement they painstakingly assembled, reaching towards you delivering a collection unlike any other.

Each handcrafted assortment is unique, at times revealing a rainbow of color while at other times containing just a single shade. A few blades of grass may be included, resting among the blossoms; a leaf or two frequently graces the edges of the bouquet. There's even the occasional ladybug that's found her way into the center of attention, nestling among the buds. The artist picks the pieces and delicately assembles their masterpiece.

These cherished moments I hold close to my heart and commit to memory. I never want to forget all the times I was handed a fistful of love.

Logan's First Gymnastics Meet of the Season - WOGA

Blended Bunch — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 04:38:00 GMT

Santa's Holiday Hoedown - A Christmas Jamboree

Blended Bunch — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 06:12:00 GMT

What To Do ... What To Do

Blended Bunch — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 04:08:00 GMT

Every couple disagrees. It's just a fact of life. If you agreed on EVERYTHING then there's a real issue in the relationship. God made people different, and different people have different ways of looking at things and different ways of dealing with stressors and anxiety.

It's no surprise that my husband, Donny, and I don't see eye-to-eye on everything. I am the type of person that lets others know my thoughts and feelings. Donny is the same way, which is part of the reason I fell in love with him and love him more and more every day. The downside is we clash over certain issues, and with both of us being stubborn, well, it just makes things more difficult. We've been debating one issue these past few days and haven't come up with a solution.

Donny works in PR and enjoys being in front of the camera. He loves the spotlight and does very well when attention is focused on him. Me? I'm shy as can be. My face turns every shade of red when I'm put in the spotlight. I tend to be more private and reserved, whereas Donny is okay with things being a little more out in the open.

Donny is promoting a product and has invited a news agency into our home. He's okay with that sort of thing, as he used to be the communications director for DISD before we were together and had news crews in his house on a regular basis. The whole idea of strangers, much less a news crew, being in our private home is unsettling for me. Donny believes it will be just fine, which it may very well be, but I just don't want to have anything to do with a news crew videotaping inside our house.

What to do ... what to do. He feels one way and I feel the other. Several days of discussions have not rendered a verdict. We just flat out disagree. Time has run out as they are supposed to be here tomorrow. We have yet to come up with a workable solution. It's down to he says, "Yes," and I say, "No."

In this case I will be the one who compromises. I still feel disheartened by the whole situation, and don't necessarily agree with it, but part of being mature is accepting that you can't always get your way and learning how to cope when it doesn't go exactly as you'd like. I'll cope by not being here when they arrive and finding something pleasant to do in the meantime.

I love my husband very much. We will be spending a lifetime together. Things will happen that we just absolutely disagree on. We can agree to disagree and work on finding the best solutions. A little compromise will go a long way in the end!

Meanest Mom Ever

Blended Bunch — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 04:22:00 GMT

Growing up I used to think my mom was the meanest mom around. I'd say, "You are the meanest mom ever!!!" and she'd say, "Yep, I am. But I still love you." I'd fume off angry as could be. How dare she agree with me! And how dare she admit to being such a mean mom AND tell me she loved me!

Of course as I look back on my childhood it wasn't a matter of her being mean, it was a matter of her keeping my best interests in mind. She wouldn't tolerate disrespect. And she always kept her word. When I was punished for a week, I was punished for a week...no more and no less. My mom did not tolerate any lax in my schoolwork either. If I was struggling in a certain subject, it was up to me to bring my grades up by studying harder, or suffer the consequences. If the teachers reported I was doing my best and giving it my all, then my parents were proud because of my efforts to do my very best. But if I didn't do my best, the consequences were firm and (looking back on it) deserved.

My parents were also extremely loving and affectionate parents. When I succeeded, they let me know how proud there were of me and gave me tons of positive reinforcement. I had no doubt in my mind my parents were there for me. If I ever had a problem or a situation, I could go to them. To this day, they continue to be here for me showing pride or, when I've needed it, a lecture on how I could handle things differently. I think very highly of both my mom and my dad.

I see now the benefit of having guidelines for our children of what we do and don't expect from them. My parents did me a bigger favor than I ever could have imagined. I was raised with placing high values on education. I was taught consequences of not following directions. It turns out my parents set an extraordinary model for me to follow.

I expect much of my children including respect, keeping up their grades and strict curfews. If they don't follow these, they receive punishments. And they know when they get a punishment, I am not changing my mind about it. I admit, I am a very strict mom, but I'm also extremely loving and close to my children. Anytime they need to talk, I'm here for them. They trust me that I will listen and give them the best advice possible. I celebrate the positive moments with them and condemn the negative.

These things I was so used to doing with my own 4 children turned out to be harder than expected with my step-children. As of right now, Donny and I have his children 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends and Thursday evenings, considerably less time than their mother. I've hit a snag when it comes to teaching them the values I feel are so vital to raising these children to be productive adults.

First of all, the time we have with them is so little for all we need to teach them. Secondly they were raised differently than I raised my own even though Donny and I have similar values. Thirdly, our house is so utterly different than the environment they experience at their mom's. I suppose many step-parents run into this issue, especially when they have children of their own.

We can punish my step-daughters for having low grades and not trying, but only for 2 days before they are back in their mom's environment. We can set guidelines and boundaries, but my step-daughters know once they are out of our environment all that stuff goes out the window. This has been harder than I ever imagined. I've come to the realization all I can do is treat my step-daughters the way I treat my own ... love them with all my heart and soul and teach them high morals and values while they are in our presence. In the same respect, I will not tolerate being disrespected, nor will I tolerate lack of effort or flat-out refusal to do what is required of them while they are in our home. This has not gone over well with my step-daughters, but in the end I know they will benefit from it just like I have.

As I'm putting the kids to bed tonight I made it to what my husband and I call "The Girls' Room." Ashleigh (my 5-year-old) and Reagan and Haley (my 10-year-old step-daughters) were getting settled in to bed and doing their usual fussing at each other as to who is being the loudest, who left the light on, etc. I shushed them all and let them know the next person that talked would go to bed earlier the next night. One of my step-daughters says to me, "You are the meanest mom ever." I smiled and replied, "Maybe, but I still love you."

I can only hope that what comes around goes around!

The Art Of Being Thankful

Blended Bunch — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 05:04:00 GMT

In times of turmoil it's so hard to find a bright spot; something to be thankful for. While many of us go through our day-to-day lives seeing and wanting what we don't have, Thanksgiving is a day to cherish what we DO have.

Close friends and family of Donny (my husband) and me know what a hard 6 months it's been for our family. Malevolent individuals have done their best to rip us apart. While they have succeeded in injuring the emotional well-being of our children, and have succeeded in manipulating the court system, they have not succeeded in destroying our spirit, our family unit or our faith in God. What's happened has taken an emotional, physical and financial toll on everyone in our family, but has not penetrated our core framework. We are still intact, still love each other, and continue to move forward. For that I am truly blessed this Thanksgiving.

I am blessed with healthy and smart children, a roof over our heads, and family and friends to share and create memories with. I am thankful for parents and grandparents who taught me unconditional love and strong values. Most importantly I am thankful for my husband. We've suffered a series of unfortunate blows over the past 6 months. While we've had our times of overwhelming grief and anger, we know the blessings of apology, acceptance and true love.

Sugar Cubes

Blended Bunch — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 17:25:00 GMT

We know the facts, but this quickly brings it into perspective, doesn't it???

Expectations of An Asperger's Teen

Blended Bunch — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 20:33:00 GMT

Being the parent of an Asperger's child is often a challenge. My husband and I grapple with what expectations we should place on our 16 year old son. We struggle with what responsibilities to give him and what he should and should not be able to achieve daily. Because of that, I have researched and compiled this article to not only inform others about Asperger's Syndrome (AS), but also help myself and my husband learn all we can about raising our son to be an efficient and contributing member of society.

An Overview

First and foremost, be patient! Remember that children and teens with AS are relatively immature, socially and emotionally, compared to neurotypical children of the same chronological age. Imagine sending a 10 year old off to high school (even if she has a chronological age of 14) or sending that 14 year old off to college or the army. We need to adjust our expectations for teens with AS—and make sure they still have appropriate supports. Don’t pull the “ramp” out from under the “wheelchair”!

Teenagers with AS still need structure, down time, soothing activities, and preparation for transitions. My AS son requires a lot of down time doing activities he finds relaxing and soothing. The activities he uses for his down time change depending on what his interests are. Right now he enjoys playing games on the computer. Activities others may find monotonous, mundane or immature for his age group are actually a coping mechanism for him, helping him deal with the fast-paced world.

Go with the flow of your child’s nature. Simplify schedules and routines, streamline possessions and furnishings. If your teen likes certain clothing, within reason, do your best to appease him. If your child likes familiar foods, or has a favorite restaurant, indulge him. Of course, this is not a fit-all situation. My son has to wear certain clothes as part of his school's strict dress code, so he is not able to wear what he wants all the time. One thing he does enjoy wearing is his ROTC uniform. I have found that letting him wear his ROTC uniform one day a week gives him a sense of accomplishment and pride. I make it a point to cook foods at least twice a week he enjoys, and treat him to McDonald's (his favorite restaurant) as a reward for outstanding behavior or school work.

Have realistic, modest goals for what the teen with AS or the family can accomplish in a given time period. You may need to postpone some plans for career goals, trips, culture or recreation. The truth of the matter is AS is a complex syndrome. One plan does not fit all. Figure out what your child can and cannot reasonably achieve in a certain period of time and give him or her the benefit of the doubt of they are unable to achieve it.

Communication

Tell your teen just what she or he needs to know, one message at a time, concisely. Too much information all at once is overwhelming for a child with AS. For example, if I ask my son to take his laundry to the laundry room, then take out the trash, then help his sister read a book, the majority of the time he would only remember to take his laundry to the laundry room. The other two things I asked him to do would be completely forgotten about. Our son has a one-track mind, typical of children with AS.

Impersonal, written communication is easier for the teen to absorb: lists of routines and rules, notes, charts, or calendars. My son doesn't particularly enjoy doing his chores according to our chore chart, but understands that when his name falls on a certain chore he is required to perform that chore. Along those same lines, I have had to make homework sheets for our son to take from class to class in school to help him keep track of homework. Purely remembering what homework needs to be done in which class was too overwhelming. As long as he had a structured list to work from he completed his homework with no worries about what might have been forgotten. As a result, his grades improved.

Side by side conversations (walking, in the car) may be more comfortable for the teen than talking face to face. AS children have a difficult time looking people in the eye when talking. Completely taking that aspect out of the situation puts their mind at ease and helps them focus on what the conversation is about. This may seem opposite of what one would expect of children; thinking that the only way a child is listening is if they are looking at the parent face to face. This is not the case in the AS child. An AS child actually absorbs the conversation much better when not having to look directly in the eyes of the person they are talking with.

In so far as you can, keep your cool—they can’t handle our upset feelings. Walk away if you need to. My husband and I find this difficult. Our AS son loves to argue about everything and anything which makes us want to stick around the see the conversation through. I've learned that if I feel myself getting upset with him I let him know I'm finished with the conversation and walk away. He will eventually come back to talk to me. By that time I've had a chance to calm down, and he's had a chance to think things through.

Discipline & Responsibility

A simple, low key, consistent approach is more important than ever, as teens become taller and stronger. Physical punishment should not be in the equation for a teenager, whether they have AS or not. Learn to pick your battles. Set and enforce only your bottom line rules and expectations—matters of safety and respect. Write them down. Make sure both parents and all involved adults agree on the rules. Give choices when possible, but not too many. Engage your teen in problem-solving; what does he think would work? What consequences should he receive for disrespective behaviors?

Special interests may change, but whatever the current one is, it remains an important font of motivation, pleasure, relaxation, and reassurance for the teen. As previously mentioned, these interests may seem mundane or unnecessary. Reality is these interests help the AS teenager cope. In the same respect, a particular special interest may be taken away as a consequence of inappropriate behavior. As an example, if my AS son is disrespective of myself or my husband, a consequence is no computer for one day. Our son learns that certain behavior is not tolerated. He also understands what the consequences are if he is disrespective again.

Make sure thorough neuropsych re-evaluations are performed every three years. This information and documentation may be critical in securing appropriate services, alternative school placements, a good transition plan; choosing an appropriate college or other post secondary program; proving eligibility for services and benefits as an adult. I have been fortunate that the school system my AS son attends has set in place an autism coordinator that makes sure he's receiving any and all beneficial services. He is routinely tested every three years, and once a year is part of an admission, review, dismissal (ARD) committee designed to ensure he's receiving the correct services.

Possible Shifts and Changes

AS can intensify parent/adolescent dynamics—which are challenging enough! The “job description” of a teenager is to pull away from parents toward more independence. For AS kids, the process can be extra messy—not least because they may be even less ready for independence than other teens. Although some teens with AS are more child-like, be prepared to tolerate/ignore considerable distancing, surliness, or acting out, knowing that it won’t last forever. At the same time, set some firm limits, and keep a close eye on the child/teen’s welfare.

With or without AS, most teens become less willing to take parent’s word or advice; so we need to hook them up with other trustworthy adults. If you want your teen to learn or try or do something, arrange for the suggestion or information to come from a trusted adult other than a parent. Look for other good mentors: Scout or youth group leader? Psychologist, social worker, peer mentor, “Big Brother,” social skills group leader? ROTC instructor or martial arts teacher? Our son thrives in ROTC. His instructor understands our son's AS diagnosis and has built an invaluable bond with him.

Boys may need to spend increased amounts of time with their fathers, and/or other male role models, as they undertake to become men. If Dad has taken a back seat, let him know his son really needs his attention now. If you are a single mother, look especially hard for male mentors at your son’s school or in the wider community. I was a single mother until three years ago. The relationship between my husband and son has had its ups and downs, but I'm confident as my husband learns more about AS, he will discover even more extraordinary traits in my son. At the age of 16, it is imperative that the bond between father and son grow and develop.

Yes, teens do continue to grow and develop. You may get some nice surprises along the way, as you see the teen take an unexpected giant step toward maturity. I think of it as their neurons maturing on the vine! Maybe it’s just that they figure some things out, and get used to the feel of their new body chemistry.

Teens' Mental Health and Safety

Even for a previously well-adjusted child, multiple stressors during the teen years may bring on anxiety and even depression. Stressors seem to include increased academic/abstract thinking and social demands at school, peer pressure, increased social awareness, and fears of the future. Highly anxious teens who do not get help may be at risk for hospitalizations, school failure, acting out (including alcohol and substance abuse), or even suicide attempts.

Don’t panic, however—there are interventions you can provide. Appropriate school placement and staff training, exercise (martial arts, yoga), and/or appropriate therapy with a carefully chosen professional may help control the level of anxiety. Medications may need to be introduced or adjusted.

Seek out activity-based, practical social skills groups designed especially for teens. Participating in such a group, being accepted by group leaders and peers, is probably the most powerful way to allay a teen’s potential despair at not fitting in socially and not having any friends. The positive social experiences and new skills they learn will be assets for the rest of their lives.

Teens with AS are less prepared than neurotypical teens for the new challenges of sexuality and romance. Some are oblivious; others want a girl or boy friend, but are clueless about how to form and maintain a relationship. Boys especially may be at risk for accusations of harassment, and girls especially at risk for becoming victims. Teach appropriate rules, or see that another adult does. Look for supervised activities in which boys and girls can socialize safely together, supervised by a staff person who knows AS and can coach appropriate social skills.

In Closing

Just as there is no handbook on how to correctly raise children (though some may choose to differ with me!) there is no official handbook on how to raise a child with Asperger's. All children are unique and all need to be dealt with in different ways. Being the biological mother of four children and the step-mother to three more I completely understand how different each child really is. Reality is that a child with AS needs extra special care.

AS children need to be shown an extraordinary amount of patience, understanding and nurturing. Picking your battles is essential for any parent to master, but the parent of an AS child has to take battle-picking to a whole new level. Find your bottom line. What things are you absolutely not going to tolerate from your AS child? What things can you let slide a little bit, allowing your AS child an opportunity to find themselves? This may be hard for parents, especially those with other children. It's important to discuss this with friends, family or someone who has experience with AS.

Chess Helps Concentration

Blended Bunch — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 00:53:00 GMT

I was fortunate to have come across Laura Sherman on Twitter (@YourChessCoach) about a month ago. She asked if anyone in my family played chess, and I answered, "Yes, my 16 year old son does." After a brief conversation I told her how great chess was for my son, who has Asperger's and ADHD. I've notice a positive change in his ability to concentrate and sit still. The game has also helped him learn to interact with others, something that is difficult for someone with Asperger's. In fact, after talking to Laura my son and I have started playing chess together. He even had the patience to teach me. Believe me ... that takes a LOT of patience!

Laura wrote this wonderful article on the importance and significance of chess for children with behavioral challenges. I completely relate, being the mother to a child with behavioral issues. Laura is a talented chess coach and has tons of great information on her website www.yourchesscoach.com. You can also find her on Twitter at @YourChessCoach.

_________________________________________________________________________

Chess Helps Concentration
By Laura Sherman

Being a chess coach allows me a chance to talk to many parents around the world about how chess affects their children. I hear amazing stories from parents of children with behavioral challenges. Chess helps their kids to concentrate!

I witnessed an amazing success with one of our young students. When I started with him in one of our group classes I wasn’t sure how I would cope. He could not sit in his seat for more than a minute. He would literally lie across his chair and drape his body across the table or just get up and disrupt the class.

Working with him in the group setting wasn’t working out. He was fast getting far behind the rest of his classmates. One day I took him aside, asking my husband to run the rest of the class and I worked with him one on one.

I had to continually direct his attention to the board and what I was teaching him. His attention would wander and I would firmly bring it back. By the end of that class period I saw incredible improvement. He had aptitude for the game! I was surprised to discover that he understood more than I had realized. He was actually very bright and able.

I told him that I saw this, that he was good. I let him know that I was impressed and that I expected him to learn and pay attention in class, that he could get chess and excel at it.

It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but after that class I knew that he could do it and that made a big difference. If he acted up I would just remind him that I knew he was good at chess and then I’d get him to refocus his attention on the board. He improved rapidly and soon after he no longer disrupted the class. Plus I could tell that he really enjoyed the classes.

I am proud to say that he sat through a tournament of ours lasting over an hour. He was very interested in each game and enjoyed himself a lot. I didn’t have to ask him to sit back in his seat once.

Chess requires a lot of imagination and creativity. The pieces only become animated when the player moves them. There is something captivating about the game, something the draws people in and settles them down. Plus it puts the child in the driver’s seat. They are in control of those 16 pieces and 64 squares.

Parents with children with autism or Asperger’s have told me that chess made a huge difference for their children. The pride and satisfaction these children achieved were very meaningful. They could excel in chess and earn the respect of everyone around them. What an accomplishment!

Laura Sherman founded Your Chess Coach (www.YourChessCoach.com) with her husband, Dan Sherman. Together they teach children to play chess through various schools in Pinellas County, Florida, as well as privately in students’ homes and online.

Ashleigh's Mother's Day Program

Blended Bunch — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 07:53:00 GMT

This is a video of the Mother's Day program Ashleigh was in through her Pre-K MDO.

Logan & Chandler's Awards Ceremony

Blended Bunch — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 03:26:00 GMT

Here is the video is Logan and Chandler's awards ceremony at A.C. New Middle School. It's a very short clip... less than a minute!

Ashleigh's Dance Recital

Blended Bunch — Sun, 31 May 2009 23:11:00 GMT

Here is the video of Ashleigh at her very first dance recital. She does a great job ... brought lots of smiles to everyone watching!

Logan's Orchestra Concert - May '09

Blended Bunch — Sun, 31 May 2009 17:00:00 GMT

This is Logan's final orchestra concert of the year. Please bear with the concert ... this is a first year orchestra!!! LOL!

Ashleigh's Pre-K Graduation Video

Blended Bunch — Sun, 31 May 2009 03:25:00 GMT

Take a look at Ashleigh's Pre-K Graduation video. Priceless!

To Battle or Not To Battle ... That is the Question

Blended Bunch — Wed, 27 May 2009 20:09:00 GMT

We're all given a certain amount of time in a day and it's up to each of us to determine how to spend it. In our relationships (with kids, with a spouse, and so on), we're faced with many conflicts everyday. You may be tempted to fight through each of these conflicts, to ensure you get your way, to prove that you're "right," or maybe just because you feel challenged. Choosing your battles wisely is a much better way of life than battling out every disagreement.

I have learned the fine art of picking my battles, but didn't use to be this way. I used to gear up in a suit of armor and go head-first into confrontation. I would take every disagreement and battle it to the end. My idea of the end was undoubtedly different from the definition of the end for the person I was arguing with. In any case, it didn't matter to me. Big or small, I felt the need to prove I was right. Now that I've matured and seen the error of my ways, I now choose to pick my battles and only invest my energy into those battles that are worthy of fighting.

Below is a list of personal guidelines I use that helps me determine whether I should invest my time and energy into battles:

Don't fight over something that's none of your business, or that you can't do anything about. As the step-mom to my 3 eldest daughters, it's none of my business if their mom decides to do something I disagree with while they are at her house. Arguing with my husband about what's going on at their mother's house is not only none of my business, it's also something I can do absolutely nothing about!
Think about the consequences of the argument. Are they worth it? Is it worth it to argue with my youngest 2 sons about the fact their bedtime is 9 p.m. and their lights are still on at 9:10 p.m.? No! They are teenagers who do their best to prolong bedtime as long as possible. I politely tell them it's time for lights out and give them a consequence if they disobey. I EXPECT children, specifically teenagers, to test the limits. Is 10 minutes worth a lengthy confrontational battle? No!
Determine what the conflict is really about. My 4 year old also likes to prolong going to bed. First, she wants to read. When that's done, she needs to potty. After that she comes into our room with a list of needs and wants: scared of the dark, can't cover herself up, wants to rock in the rocking chair, etc... What does she really want? Is she trying to upset me by continually coming into my room, or is she needing one-on-one attention? The conflict with her isn't about what she wants, it's about what she needs. Big difference.
Make sure the argument is going to solve something. What will it solve if I force my eldest son, who has Asperger's syndrome, to come out and go swimming with his brothers and sisters? It won't solve his fear of the outdoors, or his fear of the water. It also won't solve the notion coming out of his room to go swimming will make him want to always come out of his room. In this instance, arguing with him over coming out of his room to go swimming is not going to solve anything at all.
Don't fight just because you "feel you've been challenged." Children are especially good at getting a reaction from their parents. They know exactly what button to push. One button they love pushing is the challenge button. One way of getting attention is to get their parents to challenge them on something ... anything. If you don't argue back with them about a challenge, then what do they have to argue about?
Ask yourself, "Is it really a big deal?" To put it another way, is this a life/death situation? I am fortunate to not have been ever put in a position to have to battle someone due to a critical situation. So far the battles I've chosen to pursue with family members are been relatively minor. An example of a situation that would fall into the category of a "big deal" might be one where where a son or daughter risks their life for another or puts them self into jeopardy.
Realize that you don't always have to have the last word, and often it takes the "bigger person" to simply let the conflict go. At the time of the argument you don't feel like the bigger person by letting it go, but you are. Many people have the mindset that whoever has the last word is the "winner" but that can't be farther from the truth. The winner is the one who can see how absurd it is to carry on a meaningless battle and walk away from it.
Ask yourself, "Am I really right? Does it matter if I'm right? Is there really a 'right or wrong' for this issue?" For many issues there is no right or wrong. I remember once thinking my 12 year old step-daughter (at the time 10) shouldn't be wearing makeup and was really pursuing my opinion. I rarely wear makeup, and when I do it's very light. My husband reminded me that my step-daughter's mother wears makeup often, and much more than I do. My step-daughter was seeing how her mother was wearing makeup and following in her footsteps. Is that right? Wrong? Neither. It was an issue I chose to drop.
Is this an issue you'll remember in five years? In one year or six months, even? In 5 years will I remember that my middle son took a slice of cake without permission? Will I remember that my daughter argues about how long she can ride her bike before dinner? Will I remember that my eldest didn't clean his room before an certain allotted time? No! In the whole scheme of things those little battles don't deserve to be fought in war-like fashion!

According to Dr. Richard Carlson, author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and It's All Small Stuff, "Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon closer examination, aren't really that big a deal. We focus on little problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion." It's up to us to choose to either make a big deal or simply let it go. According to Dr. Carlson, "if you learn to choose your battles wisely, you'll be far more effective in winning those battles that truly are important to you."

The next time you have a battle to fight or let go and you're having a hard time deciding what to do, think of the words of author and public speaker Dale Carnegie:

"Any fool can criticize, complain, condemn -- and most fools do. Picking your battles is impressive and fighting them fairly is essential."

Saturday Spotlight - Chandler

Blended Bunch — Thu, 21 May 2009 14:27:00 GMT

My Saturday Spotlight today is very close to home. I'm extremely proud to spotlight my wonderful step-daughter, Chandler.

Chandler was 8, almost 9, when Donny and I started dating three and-a-half years ago. I can only imagine how difficult it was for Chandler to endure the divorce of her mother and father. Add to that acquiring a step-dad (when Chandler's mom remarried) and shortly thereafter a step-mom when Donny and I married. The combination of all those life changes made for quite a few stressors her and her sisters dealt with in only a few years' time. I failed to give Chandler the credit she deserved for the admirable way she dealt with all these huge changes. Her grades never faltered and rarely was Chandler a discipline problem.

Innumerable emotional and physical changes happen during the pre-teen years. Add to that the life changes mentioned above and all that stress took a toll on Chandler. As time went on the stress continued to build and Chandler began to battle a weight issue.

A new study published in the Journal of Pediatrics suggests that living in a stressful household may raise a child's risk for becoming overweight by up to twice as much. The researchers looked at children in more than 7,400 families, said kids can handle "some stress or stressors, but not several at the same time." Four primary areas of family or household stress were identified: A serious life event such as a family illness, accident, death, divorce, unemployment or exposure to violence; relationship issues; lack of social support among other family members or community or both; and concern about a child's health and development.

The study reported, "If children were exposed to two or more of these four family stress areas, then it heightened risk for obesity. For this study's categorization, a high-stress family faces challenges in at least two or more of these four areas." Chandler definitely fell into at least two of these categories and possibly one or two more. I'm not spotlighting Chandler for her weight gain, though. I'm spotlighting Chandler for her incredible determination and drive to live a healthier life.

When Donny and I got back from our Santa Barbara trip to kick off our EA SPORTS Active 30-Day Challenge a month and-a-half ago we sat down with all 7 of our children and spoke with them about our decision to change the family's diet and increase our exercise. We knew not all the children were going to be impressed with our change in lifestyle, and we were right, but Chandler took it to heart and made a decision to live a healthier life. She has been exercising every day and eating much healthier. Chandler's been trying new foods, playing tennis with the family, and going for walks around the neighborhood. Chandler also works out on the EA SPORTS Active almost every day she is at our house.

I am honored to be Chandler's step-mom and so proud of her. She's an inspiration to me and to the rest of the family. Chandler recently received a commended status on her TAKS tests (Texas state testing) and will be attending honors classes next year. Chandler's learned to adapt to being part of a large family and has positively contributed to our healthy change in lifestyle. I want to personally congratulate Chandler on her wonderful progress!

Keep up the great work Chandler!!!!

EA SPORTS Active Launch in NYC

Blended Bunch — Wed, 20 May 2009 21:18:00 GMT

Donny and I had a FABULOUS time in New York City this past weekend helping launch the EA SPORTS Active, which came out May 19. We got to catch up with our fellow challengers, compare notes about our 30-Day Challenge, and promote this wonderful product to local media. We visited the Today Show and talked with Meredith Vieira and Natalie Morales.

Check out this video of Donny waving the EA SPORTS Active behind Matt Lauer's head. So funny!

Our fellow EA SPORTS Active 30-Day Challengers all looking absolutely incredible. Everyone was so toned and beautiful!

After our EA SPORTS Active launch party Donny and I headed over to the Whistlin' Dixie Bar to hand out EA SPORTS Active to our friends from Twitter -- @southwestair and @jetblue. They were hosting a party of their own and we decided to crash it! They were both very excited to get their own copies of the EA SPORTS Active!!

Before heading out of New York Donny and I happened to see the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile parked near Times Square. We grabbed Nancy and Gary Offutt (who live in the Dallas area and were fellow EA SPORTS Active 30-Day Challengers) to get in the photo with us and the Oscar Mayer staff in front of the famous Wienermobile. What a great memory!

Now that the initial 30-Day Challenge is complete, I've started a new 30-Day Challenge and upped the intensity to High. My first workout on the new intensity level was today and it was very difficult!!! I'll keep you posted on my progress. Until then take care and stay Active!

Thank You!!

Blended Bunch — Sun, 17 May 2009 01:50:00 GMT

As I wrap up my EA SPORTS Active 30-Day Challenge and head to New York City to help launch the product, I want to thank each and every one of my supporters! I've met some wonderful people, heard tremendous stories of challenge and triumph, and taken part in a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Our family has made a dramatic improvement in our lifestyle. We added exercise to our daily routine and changed our diet to include healthy choices with meals and snacks. Donny and I knew from the beginning this 30-Day Challenge would not be a cure-all, but only the beginning of an opportunity to "shape up" as a family. We will continue to impress upon ourselves and our children how important exercise and nutrition is to a healthy and long life.

I personally want to thank every one of you for your support along the way. My family and friends (yes, even internet friends!) have been so inspiring and encouraging, making a huge positive impact on my progress while working through this 30-Day Challenge. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I will continue to update my blog with stories of fitness, nutrition, recipes and many other issues that impact our family. I'm working on a few articles relating to blended family issues, as well as issues related to Asperger's. Keep checking back for more updates. In the meantime, Donny and I are off to a whirlwind trip to New York City to help launch the EA SPORTS Active fitness product which comes out May 19. Take care and stay Active!

Skillet Beef Tenderloin

Blended Bunch — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:46:00 GMT

Donny and I both loved this recipe. I got it from the Better Homes and Gardens January 2009 magazine. Most of the kids liked it too, but weren't as impressed as Donny and I were. It's simple to make and delicioso (as Dora says!)

Skillet Beef Tenderloin
Start to finish: 30 minutes

Ingredients:
4 6-oz beef tenderloin steaks (1/2 to 3/4 inch thick)
1 Tbsp. butter
1 tsp. olive oil
4 shallots, halved if large, or 1/2 medium red onion cut in wedges
2 Tbsp. congnac, brandy or dry red wine
1/2 cup beef broth
1 Tbsp. butter, softened

Directions:
1. Sprinkle steaks with salt and pepper. In 12-inch skillet heat 1 tablespoon butter and the oil over high heat. Cook steaks 1 to 2 minutes, until bottoms are browned. Reduce heat to medium. Turn steaks; cook 6 minutes more or until desired doneness (145 F for medium-rare). Remove steaks. Keep warm.
2. Add shallots or red onion wedges to skillet. Cook 5 minutes or until crisp-tender. Remove skillet from heat. Add cognac; return to medium heat. Cook 2 minutes, stirring to scrape up browned bits from pan Add broth. Reduce heat to medium-low. Whisk in 1 tablespoon softened butter until smooth. Return steaks to skillet. Heat, spooning sauce over steaks.

I served this recipe with brown rice, cut green beans, and a few shrimp scampi.

EA SPORTS Active 30-Day Challenge - Day 26 & 27

Blended Bunch — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:18:00 GMT

The EA SPORTS Active 30-Day Challenge is coming to a close in 3 days. I should say my first 30-Day Challenge, because I plan on doing this challenge over and over again. I have noticed such spectacular benefits, and only see myself improving over time. I've learned to incorporate fitness into my daily routine, learned how to cook healthy for a large family and learned how to take care of me which is something I rarely did before.

Day 26's workout was all lower body. I did two sets of jump squats, two sets of squats with calf raises, a long cardio run and much, MUCH more!!! My legs are sore after that workout, but sore in a positive way! Now that the first 30-day challenge is coming close to completion the exercises are getting harder, and I'm definitely being pushed to my limit, which is exactly what I would expect!

On Day 26 I burned 102.9 calories in 19:27 minutes, 1.4 calories more than the projected calorie burn. I was "workin' it" as my trainer always tells me on my EA SPORTS Active workout. I earned a gold medal as well!

Day 27's workout was all upper body strength exercises, which I love! I don't burn as many calories doing them, but I like the idea of toning up my upper body. There were also some balance exercises thrown in there, such as standing crunches and side lunges.

On Day 27 I burned 77.5 calories in 19:45 minutes, which was actually 2.2 calories below the projected calorie burn. I don't see how because I worked hard, but that's the way the ball rolls sometimes! Till next time take care and stay Active!